Monday, December 4, 2006

THREE WITCHES











How would you translate this into English?






Tres brujas miran tres relojes Swatch. ¿Que bruja mira que reloj Swatch?

Three witches watch Swatch watches. Wich witch watch wich Swatch watch?

A bit more difficult;
Tres brujas travestis miran los botones de tres relojes Swatch, ¿Que bruja travesti mira los botones de que reloj Swatch?

Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches, Wich switched witch watch wich Swatch watch switch?
The most difficult;
Tres brujas suecas travestis miran los botones de tres relojes Swatch suizos. ¿Que bruja sueca travesti mira a que boton de que reloj Swatch suizo?

Three Swedish switched witches watch three Swiss Swatch watch switches. Wich Swedish Switched witch watch wich Swatch watch switch?



RECKLESS MISSION

RECKLESS MISSION



I woke at dawn and immediately saw the gun in her hand. She was sweating so much that even her hair was wet. She had been running with a blue bag full of money for an hour.

Then she told me: “You loose. Stop or I will shoot you. I have stolen one million dollars in the Mississippi Bank and now the police are following me. Take this bag and go to the 35, 5th Avenue, four flat and wait. I will give you more instructions there. Do not forget I am watching you.”

She went away leaving me in the middle of the street completely confused. I began sweating while I was hearing the policemen’s cars coming and going everywhere. I didn’t know what to do but in my mind I had recorded her last words: “I’ll be watching you”. So I decided it would be better to follow her instructions. Perhaps if I did quickly what she wanted I could forget this nightmare.

When I arrived to the specified address she was there, waiting for me. “Give me the bag”, told me. I gave it to her and, as soon as I was able to say a word, she looked at me coldly and, spit out to me: “You have to kill one person. It’s something you have to do for me, and of course, for you.” While she was telling me that, she gave me a photo. I took it trembling, completely horrified, and thinking my nightmare was over to begin. How could this happen to me?

I took a look at the photo and I began sweating and crying because the man on it was my father! How could I be able to kill my father? I looked at her with incredulity, thinking she was completely crazy. “No, no, I won’t kill my father. I have brought you the bag. Now I will go. I don’t want to see you ever more.”

When I went out she told me: Wait!! And while giving me another photo, went on speaking: “If you don’t kill your father I’ll have to kill your precious daughter. You may phone the Kindergarten and make sure she’s not there” What? But, why?? I told you before: You have lost.”

I was unable to speak while she was saying: “When you finish with your father you have to come here, I’ll be waiting for you, in this same place, with your daughter. It depends on you if she’s dead or alive. Now take the gun. Oh, by the way, you have one hour.” And then she went out leaving me completely alone.

Obviously, I didn’t want to kill my father, but the girl on the photo she gave me, was my two years little daughter. I had no way out so I’d have to kill my father if I wanted to see her again. So I took my car and drove to the supermarket where my father had been working for 20 years. I parked my car and waited for him beside his parked car. When my father saw me, came out from the supermarket. He quicken his pace and when we both met I couldn’t speak because I was crying, completely distressed, and then just before he could tell me a word, I took him a shot. He fell down on the ground with an understanding look in his eyes, he seemed happy! No one could see or hear anything because the gun had a silentiator.

I couldn’t stop crying but I had to drive quickly to the 5th Avenue, to save my daughter. When I arrived there, she was waiting for me. “Well done”, told me, and gave me the blue bag with clean clothes and my daughter. “Change your clothes and now pay attention. There are two tickets to take a flight to a Portuguese Island, Madeira. You both must take that flight this afternoon. Don’t try to communicate with the police or someone else, if so, you both will die”.

I felt lighten to see my daughter alive, but, at the same time, mostly desolate and wretched to have killed my father.

We both went to the airport but when we arrived there was a crying and shouting crowd that was cheering us. Then, from the middle of the crowd appeared the girl who ordered me to kill my father and, what is the most incredulous, beside her it was my father. He was alive and he was laughing at me. He also took one bouquet of flowers for me. While he was giving me the flowers he told me: “I’m so proud of you, because you are the winner, not the loser.” Are you crazy? I had killed you, daddy. What’s happening here? What kind of damned joke is this?”

Then from the back of the crowd appeared a little man with a microphone in his hand who told me: CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU HAVE WON ONE MILLION DOLLARS”.

WHAT?????????

YOU’RE THE WINNER OF THE NEW TV SHOW “I BET YOU WILL”!!!!!!!!!!!.